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In my mind, all I really heard was, “forever alone”. But deep down I knew he was trying to tell me he didn’t really love me anymore. My first thought was, “Gay? Like happy?” God, did I pray he meant happy. My tall, sexy, master of many accents green bean boyfriend told me that he was gay. But even all that paled in comparison to the tsunami of shock that was about to drown my crappy, little island of self-pity.Ī few months and another break up later, a sporadic, yet fairly normal, text messaging conversation turned into one of the strangest phone calls I have ever had. Slowly but surely, my little slice of heaven was being reduced to a few crumbs of adolescent mediocrity.
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Our friends got sick of the lovebird mania. Life seemed perfect.īut after a couple of months, things got worse. The chubby, short, teenage version of myself whose hair was an awkward length and whose boobs were the size of overgrown cantaloupes finally felt a sense of belonging with a guy who lived 30 minutes away by car and had the anatomical build of a sexy green bean. We finally met in person for the first time at my junior semi-formal and I still remember every waking moment - it had been the greatest night of my life.Īs a first time relationship often does, it made the world a blur of rose-coloured bliss in my eyes. After that, for months - on and off - we shared lovey dovey chit chat, mindless adolescent Facebook hacking (note: don’t ever share personal passwords with anyone - EVER) and gag-worthy stories of one another with less-than-amused friends. It took all of two weeks before our shared smiley face texts were replaced with crooked hearts and an endless number of X’s and O’s. Our relationship blossomed my junior year of high school after an accidental introduction via a mutual friend. I have no doubt that I came long after any self-doubt he might have had about his sexuality, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel as though I played a part in it. Okay, so maybe that isn’t exactly how it happened. So today, I am going to share with you the story of how I turned my very first boyfriend gay. I have grown up believing that while moments in our life may not define us, they certainly do give meaning to the lives we lead. 56).If your boyfriend ever tells you that he thinks he’s gay, don’t offer to help him find a guy to experimentally make out with. Pelicans & Chihuahuas and Other Urban Legends. Some tellings of the legend end with the sodomizer dead at the hands of his victim and his victim-turned-killer now serving a life term in Leavenworth. The GI is often said to “beat the crap” out of his tentmate upon discovering what he’s been up to. Whereas the college version generally ends with the discovery of the perfidy, revenge is almost always exacted on the perpetrator in the military version, either by the soldier acting on his own or with the help of his buddies. (Both tellings involve predators who drug their victims with alcohol.) The story has spread widely in the United States over the last twenty years or so, generally set in military barracks or campus dormitories. The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, and it was included in Gershon Legman’s Rationale of the Dirty Joke. While searching through the items his roommate had left behind this student discovered a beaker of ether and a rag in a large zip-loc bag.Īs Brunvand notes, this legend has been mentioned in print as far back as 1886, in Richard F. He returned to his dorm room to discover that his roommate had hastily moved out and had dropped out of school. The sluggishness was due to heavy drug use. The doctor seemed puzzled because he explained that the cause of the student’s pains was due to being sodomized on a regular basis. After the exam the doctor asked the student if he was gay.
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This went on for a week or two before he sought medical attention at Cowell. Apparently his roommate had been using ether on him to knock him out while he, um, had his way with him.Ī guy in the dorms would wake up in the morning feeling sluggish and experiencing abdominal pains. It was discovered that he had a high level of ether in his bloodstream. A guy went to the doctor because of pain in his rectum. A few summers ago, a friend of mine at work told me a story that supposedly happened at the school he went to.